Seeing Jesus

Well I'm still working on “Doctrine Part II: The Indentity of the Church”. That, though, is such a vast topic that I'm trying to figure out how to organize it all so that it will be readable!

I've often wondered what it would have been like to live in the days of Christ and watch Him interact with people as He ministered to them. Don't get me wrong; I am MORE than glad to be living in modern times having the benefit of hind-sight in matters of faith. I just think it would have been cool to watch the stories of the Gospels be played out in front of me—but then would I have believed as readily as I did having heard them in a Christian family environment? Anyway, that’s not the point I’m making at all! (You’ll pardon me please if I am a bit scattered…this is just streaming thought at almost 4 am! Haha)

My point is that I think, in some way, I DID see Jesus this weekend! I made a visit up to the Salesians of Don Bosco, a Roman Catholic community of “brothers” and priests (and those working toward becoming one of the two) who minister primarily to young people. While I was up there I watched these guys interact with kids who mostly were not at all what you’d call “well-to-do” and with each other. I watched them treat each other kindly with love, and I watched them look with such compassion on the kids (even when they were being…lets call it “rowdy” haha). Now, I’m not going to idolize them. They are men, and as such I’m sure they have their “issues”. But seriously, with every conversation I had with them and with every game we played and pretty much every time I “turned around”, I saw someone that reminded me of Jesus! Its hard to put a finger on what it was exactly (the words “charity” and “compassion” and “peaceful” come to mind but don’t properly serve to convey what I’m trying to get across). I’m sure that it has everything to do with the emphasis on prayer and spiritual living there, and it is quite evident that they are a religious community. Here’s the kicker though: they weren’t the kind of religious people that make you feel like religious life is out of reach to all but them and a few other privileged few. For all the ways that they reflect our Lord, they really are “normal” guys. By “normal” I mean that they didn’t act lofty and unattached from the “real world”. In fact, then very nature of their ministry requires them to be in touch with the world around them. They truly are “in the world not of the world”.

Now I know that God is at work all around me at all times, but I left New Jersey last weekend feeling as though I had been face to face with Heaven all weekend watching Jesus work miracles before my very eyes. And isn’t it supposed to be that way?

I'm very grateful for the experience to say the least!

A few "Crumbs", if you will, from the Feast of Christ the King!

Again, this is a break from the Doctrine/Story theme that I started the blog with. Fret not! I am working on that part of it, but it takes quite a bit of thought power to set those concepts to “bloggable” terms. Soon though…I promise!

Today (November 22, 2009 and the last Sunday in ordinary time) the Catholic Church celebrates the feast of Christ the King. Somehow when I woke up this morning, I just knew that today was a special day. There’s just something about the words “Christ the King” that gives me great comfort and at the same time kinda stirs me up a little haha. So all through the Mass this morning I kept having these small experiences that were pretty cool. The first was during the Psalm. First let me just say this: hearing Bob O’Connor sing is enough to make anyone hear the voice of God! (He really is just an incredible singer!) Anyhow, the words to the response were “The Lord is King! He is robed in majesty!” I tried to imagine the Lord enthroned “high above the heavens” and “robed in majesty”. But I couldn’t! At first I was a little frustrated, because I have a very active imagination. That is generally how I interact with what I’m reading or hearing—by mental imagery. But our King, the Lord Jesus, reigns from a place that we have no capability of imagining! He is infinite and eternal, and we have only experienced the finite and temporal here. As much as I’d like to, and as hard as I tried/try, I just can’t imagine the matchless beauty and grandeur of God, pure and holy, seated on His throne, reigning sovereign, surrounded by unapproachable light, adored by saints and angels, and “robed” in majesty! For perspective’s sake (you know I love perspective!): I have seen some truly breath-taking sights on earth. The Grand Canyon is more than you could ever take in if you stared for hours! The Great Smoky Mountains at dawn are more than awe-inspiring! The scores of beautiful churches and cathedrals raised for the glory of God are a given! But all of these things are temporary at best! They will fade out, erode away, and eventually burn up at the end. But the Lord reigns eternal!! THAT majesty is forever. There has never been a time when He was dethroned and there never will be! I wish I could put this into words better, but I’m failing miserably. The best I can do is ask you to take a moment and try your best to imagine God’s “throne room” and the splendor that must be there! Then realize that your brain is not able to imagine that scene, and whatever you imagined could be multiplied exponentially and probably still wouldn’t come close! There’s just something about that thought that makes me so proud to serve Him, and humbled that He would allow me to!

The second moment I had was during the short time for meditation that I had between receiving the Lord in Holy Communion and having to sing the “communion hymn”. It just dawned on me during that short time of contemplation on “Christ the King”: He truly is the SOVEREIGN KING! No really! He is! Haha I know that’s simple, but let me explain. I was raised in the evangelical south, and there is a lot of talk about “making Jesus the Lord of your life” and so forth and so on. So I guess somewhere along the way, I picked up this idea that He is only King if I allow Him to be, as if He were some kind of New Age idea that only becomes real if I believe Him to be so. What a horrible horrible misconception!! The truth is that “The Lord is King and He is robed in majesty!” Whether I believe in Him or not, He is still the King! Whether I like it or not, He is still sovereign, and He is still the world’s (only) Salvation! What a comfort to know that I am not left with the responsibility of creating my own God. He already is, and in fact, is MY creator!

“To Jesus Christ our Sov’reign King who is the world’s salvation! All praise and homage do we bring with thanks and adoration!

Christ Jesus victor! Christ Jesus ruler! Christ Jesus Lord and Redeemer!

To you and to your Church oh Lord we pledge our hearts’ oblation! Until before your throne we sing in endless jubilation!”

Thoughts from the Ordination of Father Chris Riehl to the Holy Priesthood

So I'm gonna take a short break from stories and doctrines, and just stream a few thoughts your way. Today I attended a Catholic Ordination for the first time. For the last several months, St Albert the Great Catholic Parish has been very blessed by the ministry of Deacon Chris Riehl. Today, Deacon Riehl became Father Riehl at a Mass at Sacred Heart Cathedral here in Knoxville, TN.

I was struck by this ceremony very similarly to how I was moved by the Rite of Election that was part of my conversion earlier this year. It's hard to explain, but since I've already started I'll give it a shot! :-) There is just something about a procession of the Bishop and his priests and deacons processing through the church along with the altar servers that hearkens back to more ancient times. Just knowing that I was witnessing a tradition that is literally thousands of years old was very humbling! To think: Jesus Christ commissioned his apostles to the ministry of "reconciling the world unto Himself". Then in due time those apostles ordained others who ordained others who ordained others all the way down to our priests and especially our Bishop here in Knoxville. As if that wasn't wonderful enough, I got to see a man ordained into that same line of faithful shepherds who will now take up that mantle and continue faithfully handing on the faith to the flock! It was like being present for the birth of a baby (except less messy! haha).

I guess that's why it was so incredible to see; because there was such intense beauty coming from such an ancient tradition! I suppose that's really a beauty of all the sacraments. They are ever ancient, and yet ever fresh and new! New life is born from ancient Baptism! New consecration is established by ancient Confirmation! New union with Christ our Lord and His church is made possible from the ancient Eucharist! New beginnings are offered from the ancient practice of Reconciliation (by confession)! New families are created by ancient marriage rites! New and necessary peace is brought forth from the ancient Anointing of the Sick! And of course, today, a new priest is "born" from ancient Holy Orders.

My prayers are with you Father Riehl as you serve the Lord Jesus and His Holy Church!

Doctrine Part I - The Eucharist

Well I promised that I would outline the doctrinal reasons I had for coming to the Roman Catholic Church, and here it is. Now, please don’t think that this is at all some kind of exhaustive index of Catholic teaching. (If you’re interested in that get the “Catechism of the Catholic Church”. It’s a fantastic resource!) I thought a lot about what order to put these in, and I decided to put them in order that I came across them. In fact, I originally intended to put all the doctrinal items in one post, but just this first one on the Eucharist took me almost a week to type out! Anyway I want to reiterate that I am not opening a dialogue or a debate; I am simply outlining the doctrinal “theological” reasons that I joined the Catholic Church. Most of this is far from formal because I wanted to present it in a more conversational way. My hope is the same with Part II as it was with Part I—that the few minutes that you spend reading this will draw you closer to the Lord Jesus!

THE EUCHARIST

First of all, it might be good to point out that I never struggled with this doctrine. When I came across this concept, I immediately believed it with all my heart. Even if I had never left the Apostolic church, I would have spent the rest of my life believing this! It is so clearly and beautifully true, that I could not deny it! So, what is it? “Eucharist” is a fancy Catholic word for “communion”. It comes from the Greek word “eucharisteo” which is a verb that means “to thank”. Maybe some context would help?

For I received from the Lord that which I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus in the night in which He was betrayed took bread; and when He had given thanks (eucharistéo), He broke it and said, "This is My body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of Me." (1 Corinthians 11:23-24, NASB)

The distinctively Catholic belief about this topic is that there is a moment during the Mass while the priest is praying the words from the Gospel narrative of the Last Supper that the bread and wine cease to be bread and wine, but actually become the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ himself by a process called “transubstantiation”. According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph number 1413 the Church teaches the following:

“By the consecration the transubstantiation of the bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Christ is brought about. Under the consecrated species of bread and wine Christ himself, living and glorious, is present in a true, real, and substantial manner: his Body and his Blood, with his soul and his divinity (cf. Council of Trent: DS 1640; 1651).”

So basically, the entire substance of the bread and wine is changed by transubstantiation. Some people get confused because the elements still look and taste the same as they did before. I like to think of it this way; when we are converted to Christ, we become new creatures. We are completely and radically changed internally. Our thoughts change. Our self-image changes. Our goals change. Our whole lives change. But we still look the same on the outside (at least initially). In fact, many times, it is only that which is immediately perceptible to the natural senses that seems to remain the same. Similarly, during the Holy Mass, what once was simple bread and wine become the true Body and Blood of Christ Jesus, and all that remains of the old is what may be perceived by the natural senses. Along those lines, there is a poem that I really like by St Thomas Aquinas that beautifully expresses this idea:

“Godhead here in hiding, whom I do adore
Masked by these bare shadows, shape and nothing more,
See, Lord, at thy service low lies here a heart
Lost, all lost in wonder at the God thou art.

Seeing, touching, tasting are in thee deceived;
How says trusty hearing? that shall be believed;
What God's Son has told me, take for truth I do;
Truth himself speaks truly or there's nothing true.”

But why do we believe that is it actually the Body and Blood of Christ and not just a symbol or a representation? There are so many supporting passages in the New Testament for this doctrine, but I’d actually like to start in the Old Testament. After all, the practices of the Christ and the New Testament Church are meant to be fulfillments of Old Testament law and practice. (Matthew 5:17, Gal 3:24) Take a look with me at Exodus 12:1-8:

“The LORD said to Moses and Aaron in the Land of Egypt, “This month shall be for you the beginning of months; it shall be the first month of the year for you. Tell all the congregation of Israel that on the tenth day of this month they shall take every man a lamb according to their fathers’ houses, a lamb for a household…Your lamb shall be without blemish, a male a year old; you shall take it from the sheep or from the goats; and you shall keep it until the fourteenth day of this month, when the whole assembly of the congregation of Israel shall kill their lambs in the evening. Then they shall take some of the blood, and put it on the two doorposts and the lintel of the houses in which they eat them. They shall eat the flesh that night, roasted; with unleavened bread and bitter herbs they shall eat of it.”

This, as you probably know is the story of the Passover. Here’s a little background information just for good measure. The people of Israel had been in slavery for over 400 years. God used Moses to set them free from the oppression of Egypt, and the night described here was the night that they were leaving. The deal was that the God was going to kill the firstborn of every house that didn’t have the blood mentioned above on their doorposts. In effect, it was the proper application of the blood of the lamb that saved them from the wrath of God! THEN, after the blood had been placed on the doorposts, they were commanded to eat the lamb that they had sacrificed. Now flip over to Exodus chapter 16 and Leviticus 11.

Here we find that God has sent the Israelites bread from Heaven. When the dew fell on their camp at night, the manna came with it. They were instructed to go out every day and gather what they needed, and make it into cakes. Thus, they were miraculously fed by God in the wilderness. (Not to mention the quail sent to them for meat!)

Now, forward we go to the New Testament. When Jesus is ready to begin His earthly ministry, he goes to be baptized by John the Baptist. John chapter 1 tells us that John was at the Jordan river baptizing repentant people all the while preaching that there was one coming who was greater than he. When Jesus came to John the Baptist, John’s first recorded words when he saw Him were,

“Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!”

I know I’m covering the basics here, but bear with me. A reminder of the foundation of our salvation won’t hurt ya! J Don’t pass over the imagery here. It can be easy to do, since it is somewhat commonplace. The Old Testament Passover Lamb’s blood stayed the wrath of God. The New Testament Passover Lamb, Jesus (I Corinthians 5:7), also rescues us from the wrath of God against our Sin! Praise God!

Keep that concept in mind, and turn to John 6:22-69. Since that’s kind of a long passage I’ll summarize it for blogging purposes, but you really should read it all when you can. The story takes place right after Jesus walks on water in the middle of a storm. When he gets to the other side, the people that he had been teaching come to find him and ask, “What sign will you give us to show that you are a true prophet. Our fathers had bread from heaven so that they would believe.” The reply that Jesus gives is absolutely incredible. Remember that you are reading from a “hindsight” perspective in that you have information about the “end” of the story that the listeners did not have. Jesus says,

“Truly, truly, I say to you it was not Moses who gave you the bread from heaven; my Father gives you the true bread of from heaven. For the bread of God is that which comes down from heaven, and gives life to the world.”

In my modern young adult way of thinking, I can imagine this translating into modern vernacular as something roughly like, “If you thought that bread was something, wait ‘til you see THIS!” To which the Jews naturally replied, “Lord, give us this bread always!” The manna in the wilderness was a pretty significant miracle in the history of the Jewish people so for Jesus to claim that it could be “trumped” was a heavy thing to say! Jesus explained,

“I am the bread of life; he who comes to me shall not hunger, and he who believes in me shall not thirst…For I have come down from heaven not to do my own will, but the will of Him who sent me…

Keeping in mind that his audience was most likely thinking of Jesus as simply a rabbi or a teacher. Most of them were not yet sold on the idea that he was the Messiah. So for Jesus to say that he was from heaven raised a few eyebrows, and in the grand tradition of humanity, they murmured. But Jesus, in the grand tradition of being Jesus, continued,

“I am the bread of life. Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. This is the bread which comes down from heaven, that a man may eat of it and not die. I am the living bread which comes down from heaven; if anyone eats of this bread he will live forever…”

And here’s the “kicker”:

“….and the bread which I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.”

Again, this is not the thing to say to a group of observant Jews if you want the popular vote! Remember all of those dietary laws? And here is a man claiming to be from heaven offering his flesh as the secret to immortality! So again, the Jews respond as one might expect them to, “How can this man give us His flesh to eat?” And again, Jesus answers not by placating their/our tendency toward endless questions, but by reemphasizing His original point.

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of man and drink his blood, you have no life in you; he who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life and I will raise him up at the last day. For my flesh is food indeed and my blood is drink indeed. He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me and I in him. As the living Father has sent me, and I live because of the Father, so he who eats me will live because of me. This is the bread which came down from heaven, not such as the fathers ate and died; he who eats this bread will live forever.”

One of my favorite preachers (nope, he’s not even Catholic) has a saying that has stuck with me for a long time. If God repeats something, it must be important! So in these few verses we have Jesus proclaiming to be or referring to Himself as the living bread of heaven six times! He refers to this bread being the necessary means for eternal life SEVEN times! In other words, Jesus isn’t leaving any room for error. He says that He (specifically His flesh) is the bread of heaven which men may eat and be raised up at the last day thereby living forever. To make His point even clearer, he uses the converse—if we refuse to eat his flesh and drink his blood there is no life in us! Talk about covering all the bases! To top it all off, Jesus makes sure that even his word choices preclude any possibility of misunderstanding. In verses 23-52, Jesus uses the word “phago” for eat which means to consume. But when they raise an issue with the idea of eating his flesh, he not only leaves their literal interpretation uncorrected, he himself changes his word usage to drive the point home so to speak. From that point, he begins to use the word “trogo” for eat which means “to chew or gnaw”. This word is never used metaphorically; it is always literal. This was the “clincher” for many of them. “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?” Jesus still offers no correction of their literal interpretation of what was said. The only thing he offers them is advice. “It is the Spirit that gives life, the flesh is of no avail…This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father.”

These words of our Lord are as applicable today as they were when first spoken. We simply cannot understand supernatural mysteries with the natural mind without the light of the Holy Spirit that gives life to what would otherwise only be words with very little use. But thanks be to God that He has sent His Spirit to us to bring us into all truth! It is that same Holy Spirit that has perfectly preserved this wonderful truth concerning the Body of Christ against corruption, heresy, and error for 2,000 years! What an incredibly awesome God is our God! Hallelujah!!!

Before I get all carried away here, I’ll move on to the next bit of scripture that ensures that the Church’s communion is the real Body and Blood of our Lord. In Matthew chapter 26, Jesus is celebrating the Passover that we discussed earlier with his chosen twelve.

“…Jesus took bread, and blessed, and broke it, and gave it to the disciples and said, “Take, eat; this is my body. And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them saying, “Drink of it all of you; for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.”

This passage is where the two Old Testament passages that we discussed earlier and their corresponding fulfillment come together. How is Jesus to fulfill the type of the Passover Lamb? How is Jesus going show himself the bread of heaven that brings eternal life? The answers are right here. It is this narrative that relates to us the beginning of the climax of the Salvation story! Jesus is the Passover Lamb because His body is offered as a sacrifice for our sin, and precisely because Jesus is the sacrificed Passover Lamb, we are commanded to eat His flesh just as the Israelites were commanded to eat the flesh of that sacrificed lamb. At the risk of sounding “preachy”, note the lack of option here. God commanded the Jews to eat the flesh of the Lamb. Similarly, Jesus says that if we do not eat His flesh and drink His blood we have no life in us. And now we know how we can obey that command: by observing the Lord’s Supper. Jesus, the Mighty God who eternally lives outside of time and space, presented His body miraculously to the Apostles even before His crucifixion! (Again, I emphasize the fact that God is miracle-working God, a feat like this requires no effort on his part! Keep in mind that He was “slain from the foundation of the world”.) He then instructed them to continue the practice when he told them,

“Do this in memory of me”

Jesus has now given them an order (or ordination) to go forth and do what he has shown them. Later in Matthew 28 Jesus again tells them to go and teach and baptize the nations teaching them observe all that He commanded them. And so from that time on, the Apostle’s did just that. They, with the authority of Christ, went forth to teach, preach, heal, cast out demons, baptize, forgive sin, and offer the Body and Blood of Christ (Matthew 28:18-20, Mark 16:15-18, John 20:21-23, Luke 22:19). Even today, those ordained in the lineage of the apostles (the Pope, Bishops, and Priests) still carry out the mission of Christ – reconciling the world to God by being ambassadors of His reconciliation! (II Corinthians 5:18) Praise God for sustaining His Holy Church throughout the ages!

It is clear that Jesus Christ intended to be truly and actually present in the Eucharist! He was not speaking metaphorically as some would have us believe. He even said in John 6, “My flesh is food indeed, and my blood is drink indeed.” Surely an honest look at the scriptures will show us that Christ left no room for a figurative or metaphorical interpretation of this precious truth! If Jesus the Lord of Glory Himself declares that His flesh is REALLY food that we can and should eat, then who are we to degrade His words to metaphors and figures of speech?

A secondary fantastic proof that the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist is the fact that this was the teaching of the Church. As early as the time of the writing of the epistles even! Consider St Paul’s words to the Corinthians in his first letter to them (chapter 10 verses 15 and16 for us modern readers J)

“I speak as to sensible men. Judge for yourselves what I say. The cup of blessing which we bless, is it not a participation in the blood of Christ? The bread which we break, is it not a participation in the body of Christ?”

Paul refers to this doctrine in a way that lets us know that it is already believed in the Corinthian church! He isn’t presenting a new doctrine at all, but asking them to recall what they already believed! Then in the very next chapter (although we remember that the original letter was not divided into chapters) verses 27-29, St. Paul makes a second very direct reference to the reality of communion and this time it is a warning that he gives.

“Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of profaning the body and blood of the Lord. Let a man examine himself, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment upon himself” [emphasis mine]

First, let me ask this question. If communion was only a symbol meant to bring to mind the sacrifice of the cross, how would eating and drinking it unworthily profane the actual body, which would in that case only be symbolized by the bread and wine? Conversely, if in fact the bread and wine actually become the Body and Blood of the Lord Jesus, as Christ Himself and His apostles taught, and as His Holy Church has taught unceasingly ever since, then it is easy to see how one could profane His Body and Blood. The apostle then goes on to warn for the second time in the same passage that if we take the Lord’s Supper without discerning His body, we bring judgment on ourselves! May God have mercy on us and help us to always remember that in communion we truly receive the Body and Blood of Christ!

Church history also stands as a witness to this ancient belief. Consider the following statements:

“They abstain from the Eucharist and from prayer, because they confess not the Eucharist to be the flesh of our Savior Jesus Christ, which suffered for our sins, and which the Father, of His goodness, raised up again." Ignatius of Antioch, Epistle to Smyrnaeans, 7,1 (c. A.D. 110).
"For not as common bread and common drink do we receive these; but in like manner as Jesus Christ our Savior, having been made flesh and blood for our salvation, so likewise have we been taught that the food which is blessed by the prayer of His word, and from which our blood and flesh by transmutation are nourished, is the flesh and blood of that Jesus who was made flesh." Justin Martyr, First Apology, 66 (c. A.D. 110-165).


Just to add a little perspective to these quotes and their timeline, note that the Apostle John was the last to die, and he went to his reward in the year 100. The date on that first statement is from the year 110! Ten years after the apostle died, Ignatius who is widely believed to have been a student of St. John’s, teaches very clearly that the Eucharist was believed to be the Body and Blood of Christ! Justin Martyr also taught this doctrine, as you can see, very early on in the Church’s history. The references in Church History to this precious belief are almost innumerable, but I only listed the earliest two that I could find quickly to make a point. If you are so inclined, I encourage you to look into it further.

The Old Testament foreshadowed His presence in the Eucharist. Christ and His apostles taught it clearly. Their successors did and continue to hold the same doctrine. And here in the year 2009, I gladly and gratefully take my place in the “communion line” along with the millions that have gone before and the millions that remain and the millions that are to come! And as the Sacred Host is raised before me, and the minister declares, “The Body of Christ!”, I whole-heartedly add my agreement with a hearty “Amen” and receive my Savior’s Body and with it the promise of eternal life!

The Winding Road Home

What you are about to read is the story of my journey home to the Holy Roman Catholic Church. I know that it isn’t a new story; the Holy Spirit has been gently drawing people back “Mother Church” for hundreds of years! I just wanted to add my voice to the throng of millions in gratitude for the Church and her faithful teaching. What you are NOT about to read is an indictment against any of the churches I have belonged to in my life. They have all worked together to form a love of Christ in me that was strong enough to follow Him to where I am today. I am not opening a debate or even a dialogue with this story. I am simply sharing my story. I hope you enjoy it, but most of all I hope that it somehow draws you closer to the Lord Jesus Christ.

My spiritual journey could be labeled many things. Boring, however, is certainly not one of them! As I was growing up, I was very fortunate to have two sets of Grandparents who loved the Lord Jesus very much--though in very different ways. My mother was a single mom for most of my childhood years, and usually had to work on Sundays to make ends meet so church was not an option very often for her. However, she was very supportive of my decision to attend any church of my choice, or none at all at times.

I suppose my first experience with Christianity was with my Dad’s parents in the Church of Christ (NOTE – This is different from the United Church of Christ.) The UCC is noted for being a progressive “liberal” denomination, while the Church of Christ is definitely a conservative fundamentalist church. Some of their trademarks are their rejection of the use of musical instruments in worship, and their fierce reliance on the New Testament for ALL matters of faith, doctrine, or practice. My Grandparents’ devotion to Christ even to this day is amazing, and I will always have great respect for the attention that they give to their spiritual lives and the beliefs that they hold!

On the other side (waaaaaaaaaaaay over on the other side haha) was my mother’s mother was a member of a small independent Pentecostal church. She began attending there when I was around seven years old I think, and the first time I visited, I must admit, I was scared…to….death! Just picture it! Here I was, a seven year old boy who had only been to services at the Church of Christ – a very quiet solemn hour with no musical instruments or anything really exciting at all- now sitting in a Pentecostal service – a very loud several hours with a full band of piano, organ, drums, bass guitar, electric guitar, acoustic guitar, tambourine, and sometimes even a mandolin or banjo! (By the way, this church was what you might call a “country” church.) That along with the way the people shouted and danced and ran around the church and fell on the floor and spoke in tongues was almost more than I could handle! Soon enough though, I grew accustomed to it. I alternated weekends with Grandparents so that one weekend I was with my Dad’s parents at the Church of Christ, the next I was with my Mother’s Mother at the little Pentecostal church. After a few years, I actually started to prefer the Pentecostal way! I liked how everyone was excited about their walk with God! The whole experience was uplifting (once I understood what was happening anyway lol). At some point, I’m not sure when, I even started playing piano in church! I have very fond memories of worshipping there, and I most definitely had my first deeply spiritual experiences there.

In the spring of 1998, something happened that changed the course of my life forever. It began when new neighbors moved into the vacant house next door. With my Mom’s permission (or urging…I can’t remember which lol) I went over to help them get their boxes moved. In the course of conversation, we started to talk about church, which was fine with me! He told me about his church and invited me to go along, and I agreed to do so. For the remainder of the summer, he took me to the local Apostolic church on Sunday nights, and during the week he would talk to me about baptism both in water and in the Holy Ghost. Finally, on September 6, 1998, I decided to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. (NOTE – Apostolic churches are not Trinitarian so baptism is administered exclusively “in the name of Jesus” rather than “in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit”.) From that point forward, I was very proud to be a member of the Apostolic faith. When my Mother remarried in 1999 we moved to North Knoxville, and I quickly found a local church to attend. In addition to being very devoted to attending my church for the three weekly services and any extra that were offered, I transferred to the Apostolic Christian School in Knoxville for my Junior and Senior years of High School which furthered my love for and deep commitment to the church, its doctrines, and its leaders.

Allow me to pause the story for a moment and give those of you who may be unfamiliar with the Apostolic movement a brief overview of its doctrines. The most prominent doctrine is that of the “Oneness of God”. Basically, this doctrine states that there is only one God. (Easy enough, right?) It is contrasted with the Doctrine of the Trinity, by their denial that the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are separate co-equal persons. They believe that Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are simply titles that describe the three main ways that the one person of God has revealed himself to us. So “at the end of the day” you have the following Jehovah God created the universe and all that’s in it including us. Because of our sin, He came to earth in human form to have that human form sacrificed as payment for that sin. After His resurrection from the dead, He ascended back to Heaven. A few days later on the day of Pentecost, He returned in His original “spirit form” so that he could be present in each of us. The very good thing about the “Oneness” doctrine is that rather than downplaying or denying the Divinity of Christ (as most who deny the Trinity do) they celebrate it! In fact the bottom line of the Oneness doctrine is that Jesus is the Almighty Father “robed” in human flesh.

The second very distinct doctrine of Oneness Pentecostals is that of the plan of salvation. Apostolics believe that in order to be saved from sin and make it to Heaven, one must Repent of all sin (fully change one’s ways from sin and worldliness to a Godly life of holiness as much as is possible), be baptized by immersion (being fully covered by the water) in the Name of Jesus Christ (actually having the words that are spoken over the one being baptized include the words “in the name of Jesus/Jesus Christ/the Lord Jesus Christ etc.), and be filled with the Holy Ghost (the initial evidence that one has received the Holy Ghost is that they speak in tongues).

The plan of salvation is seen as how one receives God’s gift of salvation. What must follow that then is maintenance of that gift. This means that a life of holiness is required of every believer. (No argument from me there!) This distinction for Oneness folks is the extent to which they carry out that holiness. In most cases, Apostolic churches teach that women should not cut or trim their hair, and should wear skirts or dresses at all times (at least in public) – no slacks or pants/shorts. Also, make up and jewelry, if they are “allowed” at all are to be used very moderately. Men are expected to keep their hair cut short, and to dress modestly (No shorts. Shirts remain on at all times in public.) Obviously, the no make up thing extends to the guys too! Haha I want to point out that in the vast majority of cases, Apostolics obey these rules out of an incredible love and devotion to the Lord Jesus not because some cultish leader is forcing them to. As a member of the Apostolic church, I believed and obeyed all of these things whole-heartedly. I even went to Bible College to learn to better articulate the tenets of my faith and in hopes of being in full time ministry one day. It was truly the most important part of my life. Even my identity was wrapped in my faith, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. I saw myself as “an Apostolic preacher who believed Apostolic doctrine, would one day marry an Apostolic woman, have Apostolic babies, and pastor an Apostolic church!” I only mention all that to let you know that I was not at all unhappy with my faith. When I left it was the result of many months of study and prayer and not for any other reason.

I want to be very clear about something. I DO NOT REGRET ONE MOMENT THAT I SPENT AS AN APOSTOLIC ONENESS PENTECOSTAL!!!! The greatest part of my spiritual growth happened there, and the closest friends that I have ever known are the ones from that movement. I still love them all very very much! I still regard my former pastor as one of the greatest leaders of our time, and one heckuva fantastic preacher!!!! (More information about the Apostolic movement can be found at http://aljc.org/?page_id=18.)

So why did I leave? Excellent question and a great way to get back into the meat of my story! In 2007, I met a co-worker named Marcia. Marcia shared my intense interest in God/Religion, so we had many really great conversations. Eventually, of course, the question of our respective churches came up. I was shocked to find out that she was Catholic!! I really hadn’t known very many Catholics, and I’m not sure what I was expecting a devout Catholic to be like. I just know that she didn’t fit the bill in my mind! (Sorry Marcia! lol) To make a long story only a little bit shorter, she invited me to “midnight” Mass on Christmas Eve, and I decided to go even though it was at 10 which didn’t seem as cool as going to church at midnight. “ But oh well.”

When I got there, I found Marcia and we settled in for Mass. At the end of it, I had to admit that I had really enjoyed it! But what was it that I enjoyed? It was so different from the loud “lively” Apostolic services that I was used to! I couldn’t put my finger on it, and didn’t really spend too much time trying at that point. As is my habit when I visit a new church, I picked up all the literature/tracts/etc that I could and headed home. Later that night, as I read through the bulletin, I noticed something strange. There was a blurb about the new parish in Halls. Now, Halls is the community that I had moved to in 1999 when my Mother remarried, and I knew it to be a VERY predominantly Baptist area. So my thought was, “Why in the world would they put a Catholic Church in Halls? There are no Catholics there to go to church there!” Needless to say, I had to see what a Catholic Church would look like in that setting. Taking advantage of the fact that our church had only a 2 pm service that next Sunday, I attended the 11 am Mass at St Albert the Great Parish. It definitely was not what I expected!

The Mass was held in a conference room at St Mary’s Hospital, so it lacked the “Old School feel” that I expected. This was compounded by the fact that they not only lacked a Pipe organ (which I assumed would be standard in any Catholic church), but they had a keyboard, bass guitar, and an acoustic guitar! OOOH NOO! My misconceptions were being messed with! The cap to it all, was that the guy who preached, Deacon Patrick, was very down to earth and un-lofty—which also messed with my preconceived ideas of what I’d find there. All in all I left with the same feeling I had after the Christmas Eve Mass—like I had been right in the middle of witnessing something beautiful and managed to miss it altogether…. kind of like I was looking right at it, but couldn’t see it. I just could not understand what I found so wonderful about the Mass, but I knew something incredible had just happened right in front of my face.

On my way out to the car, I saw the musicians loading their guitars in a vehicle, so I stopped and complimented their playing. Well that turned into a whole conversation about the Catholic Church (I’m sure that comes as a huge surprise to anyone that knows the four of us!). At the end of the conversation, the keyboardist recommended a book as a good starting point in studying the Catholic Faith. “Rome Sweet Home” by Dr Scott Hahn. And that’s where it began to get intense! Are you keeping up?

I went back to St Albert the Great the following Saturday evening, and had the pleasure of meeting the Deacon that had preached the preceding Sunday. I complimented his preaching, and we started to talk (again…surprise surprise! Haha) That turned into the first of MANY “parking lot pow wows”. Throughout the following year and a half, I talked with Deacon Patrick pretty frequently about where I was coming from and my interest in the Catholic Church…the things I liked…the things I didn’t and everything in between.

Time to pause again for an important point. At no time did anyone ever try to pursue me to convert me. Even when I started going to RCIA in January 2008, I was very up front and let them know that I was probably not going to join…I was just there to learn. (RCIA is the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults. It truly is simply a class about the Catholic Church and her teachings. At the end, if you have decided to join the Church, then you have been properly instructed and are ready to do so! If not, then you have a better idea of what the Church teaches, and have made a few good friends along the way. I can’t even stress enough “no pressure” it is.) And that was met with nothing but welcoming smiles. Its important for me to mention that because I don’t want anyone to get confused and think that there was ever any pressure from the Catholic Church for me to leave the Oneness church. Ever.

Anyway….back to the last part of the last part of the story. I attended RCIA classes until about half through Lent. At that point, I decided that I was no longer interested, and that I had learned all I cared to about the Catholic Church. They had some really good points, but they were and are after all Trinitarian, which was a huge problem for me! So I decided to hang it up and get on with my Apostolic life. There was only one small hiccup. I believed in the Real Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. Ok so that’s a HUGE hiccup! What was a good little Apostolic preacher boy like me gonna do with this very Catholic doctrine that was now written on my heart just as strong or stronger than anything else I believed? That was the result of reading “Rome Sweet Home”. The truth be told, when I was finished with that book, I believed in the Papacy, the teaching authority of the Church, and had stopped believing in Sola Scriptura. Big Steps in such a small period of time! At any rate, when I decided to suspend my study of the Church, I also decided to push those things to the back of my mind assuming that they would go away. Boy was I wrong…

Fast forward, to September of 2008. I had managed to lose myself in the Apostolic church once more with hardly a thought of the Catholic Church all summer. Then one day I came across the Bread of Life Discourse in John 6, and I again was faced with a dilemma. I could no longer ignore the Truth of the Catholic Church. I had to either beat it or join it! So off I went a-studying to “prove those Catholics dead wrong on all this stuff!” J

In one month’s time, I found myself almost completely convinced of Catholic doctrine (except for the Trinity of course)!! In fact, at one point I found myself debating a good friend of mine on the Immaculate Conception of Mary! Her response was, “You sound more and more Catholic every time I talk to you!” I laugh about it now, but it really stressed me out at the time! I believed (and believe) very strongly in these things, but I loved my church and my family there very much. I knew they would be very disappointed, to say the least, if they knew that I believed these things. Now this next part still stands out in my memory vividly as a major fork in the road of my spiritual journey.

By mid-November 2008, I was in the habit of going to Mass on Saturday evening at St Albert the Great, and my church on Sunday/Wednesday. On the Saturday just before Thanksgiving, I had come to St Albert and was seated in the small chapel waiting for Mass to begin. To be honest, I was stressed out beyond measure about this huge conflict in my heart. I was absolutely convinced of all but the Trinity in the Catholic faith, but I loved my church and the people there to dearly to leave. “Lord,” I prayed, “I don’t know what to do. I just know that I can’t stay stressed out like this for too much longer.” Just then, I felt that very familiar nudge from the Holy Spirit. (You know the kind…it feels like the whole universe stands completely still for a moment, and nothing else exists until you’ve “absorbed”, for lack of a better word, what you need.) In this case, it was a verse of Scripture (I Kings 18:21) that I hadn’t heard or read in probably years. “How long halt ye between two opinions?”

I’m not sure that I heard anything else that night, but those words that echoed and reverberated against the walls of my heart, soul, mind, and ears. Even over the next few days, every waking thought not already taken by some other topic seemed to be saturated with those words. “How long halt ye between two opinions?”

I got the point: I had to make a decision. But how? I was still in the same dilemma. I loved the Catholic Church’s teaching, but I just couldn’t bear the thought of leaving the church family that had taught me, sustained me, supported me, loved me, gave me my identity, and whom I loved with every bit of my heart! There was hope, though. The week of Thanksgiving is always the week of National Youth Convention for the Assemblies of the Lord Jesus Christ, and if ever there was a time and place where God could reach down and give me some direction it was there! Well, NYC came and went and I was still in my great dilemma. Now I’m not saying that God ignored my request, but sometimes He says it best with silence. I knew then that I needed to (a) keep taking the matter before the Lord in prayer. (b) keep talking to others, and (c) make a decision already! Throughout the whole ordeal, I spent many hours talking to Deacon Patrick and Jesus, and had tried a few times, though unsuccessfully, to talk to my Pastor.

A note about that briefly: I don’t want to send out the wrong idea about my former Pastor. As I mentioned before, He is an incredible man of God for whom I have the greatest respect and admiration! However, the feelings I had about the matter were much stronger than his. When I brought the question that I had to him, looking back on it, I phrased them in a way that did not do justice to the weight of their effect on me. I don’t think I communicated that what I was dealing with was a crisis of faith in so many ways. To him, it probably just seemed like random questions from one of his otherwise stable ministers. Honestly, the level of respect I had for him became somewhat of an inhibition when it came to asking questions. The last thing that I ever wanted to do was disappoint him, so I found it impossible to look him in the face and admit that I was considering leaving behind the faith that he had worked so hard to faithfully and lovingly instill in me. Even as I write this, I get a lump in my throat thinking of how it must have felt to him when I left after he had poured so much of his life and ministry into me. All of that, however, did not change the fact that I just didn’t believe it anymore. I desperately wanted to, but I didn’t.

I knew that I needed a way to present these issues in such a way that would let my pastor know how serious this was for me! So I decided to write a letter. Some may see that as the coward’s way out, but I was getting desperate! I had to let him know and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t do it face to face.

So late in December, I wrote the letter explaining my study of the Catholic Church, and that I needed to meet with him so that he could correct me where I had gone wrong. I included a sort of essay of the major points that I couldn’t get past. (I’ll be creating a separate section in the blog to discuss those issues). As part of the letter, I resigned from any positions of leadership in the Church. I told him that I would not be teaching Sunday School, leading worship, preaching, etc until I could be fully aligned again with the doctrines of the church. I agreed to be faithful in attendance, but not to be involved in any leadership positions.

Over the next few weeks, my pastor met with me at 7 am at Cracker Barrel and discussed some of these issues. During that time, I also talked with another great man of God whose ministry in that church affected more deeply than I could ever express in words—the youth pastor. He and his wife were then and are now pillars of faith in my life. And of course, I continued talking with Deacon Patrick and fantastically wonderful folks in my RCIA class. When it became clear to me that a belief in apostolic doctrine just wasn’t going to be a part of my life again, I decided to take the final step. It took me about 30 hours to get it close to the way that I wanted it, but I wrote one last letter. On February 6, 2009, I left my good-bye letter in pastor’s box. That letter was the hardest thing I have ever had to write. I could write a thousand more pages trying to tell you what he and that church meant to me, but I still couldn’t do it justice. So I’ll just say again, I loved them (and still LOVE each and every one of them) with all of my heart. But as much as I love them, I knew I couldn’t let any one human or group of humans take priority over truth.

And so one would think that would be the end of the story…not quite. My good friends at my old church of course inundated me with emails, phone calls, and text messages entreating me not to make this “terrible decision”. Only two of them were what you would call “mean” per se, and even then, I know those people to be ones that can seem angry when really they are just being passionate in general. One of those emails came from a woman whose discernment I have great respect for. She told me that I was being deceived by Satan. Now, several people had said the same thing and just as lovingly, but I tend to trust this lady more than others when it comes to spiritual matters. So when she made such a strong statement, I could not take it lightly. So I decided to be extra sure. The following weekend (Valentine’s Day weekend) I went up into the mountains to fast and pray. Before I went, I set the “rules”. I would seriously consider going back to the Apostolic church and leave that honestly open before the Lord. But whatever my decision was at the end of the weekend was what I was going to do. I can honestly say that I sincerely sought the Lord and took a hard honest look at my intentions, my beliefs, and myself and took every bit of it to prayer and asked the Lord to guide me in the right direction.

Sunday morning came, and when I left my “hiding” place my heart and mind were fixed (Ps 57:7) upon coming home to the Catholic Church!

Aaaaaand so on the Easter Vigil (April 11, 2009) Father Chris Michelson baptized and confirmed me into Holy Roman Catholic Church. Then a few moments later came the moment I had been waiting on for a year! Along with the two other candidates, I received the Body and Blood of the Lord Jesus in the Holy Eucharist for the very first time! Talk about life changing! I’d LOVE to launch into a few more pages about my love for the Eucharist, but I’ll save that for the “Theology” section. J

And that my friends is the end of the first part of the beginning. You have here, in 4,421 words the first part of my story. I say the first part because I fully expect for it to continue to grow…sort of. With God’s mercy and grace, I intend to die Catholic—though I do hope that day is FAR into the future haha. The next few chapters will hopefully be filled with many incredibly wonderful stories of God’s greatness!